messy day

i kinda knew when i left home this morning that it wont be an easy day. i was not able to accomplish things almost everything i touched and when i got home early, i made my Mistress quiet worried and upset too. In the evening i stupidly mentioned roleplay to Her because i wanted to ask Her about the group i wanted to join so bad. She totally flipped out and i realized that it was not a right time to put such stuff on the table especially when i needed Her kind attention on that. i love Her for Her possessiveness but sometimes i feel that perhaps its because She does not trust me or perhaps She thinks that i am so easy to steal. lol .. perhaps She perhaps how long did it take for Her to leave my uncleès house and be with the special love of my life and now when i am...this is my Home and Her feet is my place. i may look and talk to Oothers but does that mean i would forget my place and all the special moments i had. When She is open to listen something, i can put anything up and She would guide me, discuss and direct and forbid me if She thinks its wrong. What i did wrong was that SHe was not in the mood already for such talk. She was already upset about marriage thing and i pulled up a new issue. For years, roleplay had been my only way of meeting different people with different thoughts. Sometimes they are interesting, sometimes challenging but they had rarely lead to any realtime relationship esp. when they know i am already in one. It sometimes hurts me when She says .. nothing is in Her control or Do whatever You want .. She just lets Her go perhaps on purpose because for a moment She thinks that way but i do try hard to keep that control in Her hands. Oour trust is what binds Uus and Oour love for each Oother. i lost it again today perhaps. i wonder how would She handle it when i will be back to school one day or at job when i will have talk, meet and work on different levels with number of people. It worries me now that if i will be able to win that much trust. I am willing to give as many tries as i can for She is the Woman i have always dreamed of and i have Her in my life. i careless of that roleplay shit. i like to write stories and fantasies and i can write them to my Mistress. Perhaps She may have a better idea to help me take care of this but i do have to wait for a better time to talk. i did learn that when She mad. Its not that She does not love me but She is upset and She has to take it out. Best option is to retreat,listen and stay calm until She cools down too. There is no other anyway ..lol
All seems fine now. She is sleeping but i hope tommorrow is better day. i will leave my journal with good thoughts.