Back at my place

Thanks for your comment. I agree that TPE is hard to maintain 24/7 but a certain level of trust and submission (on my part) is mandatory in O/our D/s relationship. This is what I learned this time. Unfortunately, after hurting my lady bad and now trying hard to make up for it.

I started this journal few months ago as a personal diary when Mistress uploaded Hers online to share Her experiences with public.
http://kikasjournal.blogspot.com

Mine was up for totally for a different reason: To help me communicate my personal thoughts with my Mistress. I started with just to throw my thoughts/feelings at the moment depending on my mood. Many journals serve that purpose online. Sometimes it just calms me down and later to weed out the emotions that will not be helpful to me as a person and a submissive. It also helps me to examine how I have grown as an individual. As one of the purposes is to share my thoughts with my Mistress which I might find hard to put in words for any reason, I find it hard to keep few posts private just for U/us. That’s maybe how to the blogspot is designed. I might change that in the future and start a new diary for Mistress and I only. Few of my last posts are quite emotional and even hard to swallow even for myself. I think it is not bad though as they always help me to dig in deeper and know what caused those feelings. At the same time, about the dull posts like last one, I believe that every relationship goes through ups and downs and it makes it very real to put what troubles W/we go through in O/our 24/7 D/s lifestyle. It is not easy and very demanding. There are tedious moments along with tons of fun, frivolous or thoughtful. Fun is always there with all the exciting new things we explore along with downs in O/our relationship at times. I believe that it’s the way of life and it makes U/us very real. Perhaps I had not unable to put it all in this journal. As far as my issue behind my post goes, I learned to take responsibility for my actions and showed Her that I do care for Her and Her place in my life. I am happy She was able to feel it in last few days. It was not a trust issue this time as it had been before but it was of O/our evolved roles. As W/we are growing as a couple more issues are slipping in which is quite normal for any lifestyle, vanilla or alternative. I learned to deal with this one and to think at different levels. I may be too close to my Mistress than a year ago but it does not give me an edge to be bratty and forget my role and place in the relationship. She shows Her loves for me even more but it does not give me a reason to take advantage of Her love. Eventually, what i had put in my journal was noticed by Mistress too and W/we talked about it. I was assured of Her love for me and Her expectations if I am there to serve and please Her. Communication is strength of O/our relationship and it is always there to connect U/us more and that help U/us. I feel happy about it. W/we are back at O/our places and I am very happy about that and of course now there is more fun to come. :)))