Hurts

Most of it was going well until this evening when i hurt my Mistress by my irresponsible behaviour. My transgressions were to the level that Mistress felt that TPE and all that W.we live by is a joke to me. It is not but perhaps at that time it was. I did forget my place. She asked me questions that She always does and She knows and expects the right answers. When they are not coming from heart, She can tell. W/we know each other well. To the level that W.we can feel things when they are not right. She mentioned that something is not right but I just played around it. Why I topped from the bottom ? Why I tried to push Her down where She does not belong, as a sub .. i dont know but it was very respectful. W/we struggled for a while. I oppologized. She listened and then did not speak much. She did not want to play the role and then things started to go worse. I pulled up my guards too. I knew She was hurt. The shame and guilt was killing me inside but Wwe were perhaps finding it hard to talk. I felt i was being given silent wall treatment. She wont do anything about the issue. She does not care anymore and She mentioned that She wont play the role of Domme in the relationship for at least a week. That was quite a threat for me. It was like cutting off my subbie part cuz She did not need it anymore. I felt vulnerable and i did not feel good too. Perhaps Wwe were both confused now. It is funny how things change with little unexpected things happen and flip the whole dynamics of things. It is good that Oour relationship is based on TPE but it can be bad too because if that foundation is shaken, it affects the relationship too. Anyways, later i had to spill out like i always do. Wwe talked. More closely. Held each other. I told Her that i am afraid. I dont want to hurt Her but sometimes i feel i would. For no reason, it is fucked feeling. Or perhaps there are reasons. Some inner guilt or lack of self confidence that takes me over again. Or perhaps just the intense dose of allergy med i am using. Mistress did went to be bed smiling with me but i can feel it that She is not completely happy. She is still hurt. It will take me sometime to work on the heal the wound, to win the trust again. I talked to Mistress Myne for i was still upset even i try to wear smile before my Mistress. That is another thing that my Mistress can always tell and feel. She was pretty disappointed too that i did that. It can be davestatiting for a Domme. She sent hugs for my Mistress too. I love Her to peices . I always will. I learned how important Her position and Her role and place to Her is, in Oour relationship. She is my Love and She is my Mistress. I am ashamed that i tested Her this way and hurt Her that way. I hope and will make sure that it does not happen again and if does. Wwe will keep exploring each other and getting stronger everyday.
Loves to You Mistress.


One of sub friend suggested that I should have Mantra/Oath and should recite it and keep it framed for U/us to see in O/our House. I should recite it to Her. And in situations like these, i should indulge in self punishments like sleeping at the floor for Her until She asks otherwise to let Her know that you know your place. Or Serve Her breakfasts (i already do that) ...
Good ideas but at the same time I do not want Mistress to feel that i try or i become more responsible everytime I fuck up.... I obviously need direction and should ask my Mistress when time is right.


Have you ever hurt Your Mistress ? Feel free to share your Topping from Bottom experience and how you and your Mistress/Master handled it ?

Do You have any suggestions of how to keep focused and consistent with your service to Mistress ?

I will appreciate the comments/suggestions. Thanks